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In the dead of the night by ~izy69:iconizy69:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Fixed


Shut her pretty eyes
For she’s too young
The words are screamed
No longer lovingly sung

She lays in her bed
Twisting her hair
Trying to understand
Why it’s just not fair

She craves attention
Like a moth does light
Her daddy comes home
In the dead of the night

He stinks of potent beer
Stumbling around
She hears the smash
Mom’s vase hits the ground

Removing her covers
She peeks through the door
The vase the first victim
He needs but one more

“Daddy” she calls
“ Are you okay?”
“You little brat”
He screams with dismay

The door protects her
A shelter of love
Her mum sob’s
Looking down from above

Her tears drip down
It starts to rain
Daddy’s angry tonight
He hates her again

Quickly shifting the lock
With her little fingers
The of mist anger
Still eerily lingers

And she hopes-
The door does hold
Because if it doesn’t
Torture will unfold

Daddy’s quiet now
She hopes he’s all right
Maybe she can sleep
Throughout this night

Creeping under the covers
She hears the door jolt
Why can’t daddy see?
Mums gone; it’s not my fault

“Open the door you little…”
She stays frozen; still
Hoping he won’t hear her
But she knows he will

Everything was good
Old bruises were healing
Daddy was okay, now
Flaming hate he is feeling

“I’m so scared mommy,
You would make it okay
I know that you could
Help take my pain away..

I’m scarred of daddy,
This time he’s real mad
I just hope he doesn’t do
Something really bad

But if he does it’s okay
Mommy don’t be sad
I can join you in heaven
For that I am glad”

The door falls down
He rages to her bed
Smashing her young body
Cracking open her head

He looks down before him
To see his little girl
Bloods spurting everywhere
What happened to his world?

He didn’t mean to kill her
Or to make her cry
Now he takes a knife
And he does die.
©2004-2010 ~izy69
:iconizy69:

Author's Comments

i don't know
i don't like it
it's not nice
but i needed to write
and this is what came out
not creative
not good
but writing none the less.
just had to pracitse my rhyming i guess.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlostinmyself:
~lostinmyself Jul 4, 2004, 5:50:12 AM
*shocked silence*
Omg....
Wow izy...this is really sad...upsetting. Hmmm. Good write. i dont think you need to work on rhyming at all. lol
Keep it up.
:hug: phil xxx

--
:its better to be hated for who you are than loved for who your not:
:iconicyblues:
~Icyblues Jul 4, 2004, 5:56:15 AM
That is really good. Sad and emotional- made me nearly cry. It doesn't matter how you think your poems might sound that bad, but to others, they're great because they can see them through a different perspective.
:snowflake:

--
x You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel. x

...x Shattered Glass, Shattered Dreams, Shattered Heart, Shattered Soul x...
:iconicyblues:
~Icyblues Jul 4, 2004, 5:56:16 AM
That is really good. Sad and emotional- made me nearly cry. It doesn't matter how you think your poems might sound that bad, but to others, they're great because they can see them through a different perspective.
:snowflake:

--
x You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel. x

...x Shattered Glass, Shattered Dreams, Shattered Heart, Shattered Soul x...
:iconkabix:
~kabix Jul 4, 2004, 7:54:10 AM
just one word -
:iconizy69:
~izy69 Jul 4, 2004, 4:37:32 PM
AHH thanks
i really didn't like it.. but yeah it is sad.
Um thanks for the fav too.. def wasn't expecting that one

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
:iconizy69:
~izy69 Jul 4, 2004, 4:42:30 PM
what a lovely comment. I love your avator thing btw..
Um thanks for the fav, i guess this poem is so sad thats why i'm not sure i liked it.
I was going to put it in scraps, but noone looks at scraps. I wanted to share this with people.
Ah don't cry.. :(

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
:iconizy69:
~izy69 Jul 4, 2004, 4:44:15 PM
waits for the one word....... ?

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
:iconyellowdude:
~yellowdude Jul 4, 2004, 7:20:06 PM
dark indeed. i hope you feel much better now? it's not like I like it (uhm... i mean the content wise... cuz.. if i did, there's something wrong with me) but it doesn't mean I hate it. I have a respect for the anger and emotion put into the poem. yeah.. that's what i feel. that is a lot of emotion there, and I hope it's not because something like this has happened to you before. *nods head* be safe now.

now, for the technicalities of the poem: Maybe a forced rhyme or two, but for the most part, the rhymes flowed quite well. i think there was a bit or two where the rhythm seemed awkward, but it could be the way that I was reading it. I'm sure rhythm was not too important for you here, whereas the emotion conveyed was. am I correct to assume that? "A shelter of love" <-- I liked that metaphor quite a bit. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy...although you were describing a door. hehe. But yeah, that's a nice metaphor. as well as the similie involving attention/moth. It also works because it's the dead of the night, and well...moths are around then usually. The title ties in very well with the overall poem's plot.

--
The worst foe lies within the self...
:iconroses23:
~roses23 Jul 4, 2004, 8:44:37 PM
A lot of emotions, good imagery, you kept the reader wanting to read more .. and more.. that's good! :thumbsup:

Yeah a little improvement on the technicalities is possible, also in some misspelled words, but in my opinion, really, on emotional poems like this.. less focus should be attributed to the presentation.

You have played with words very well, that's important in poetry if not prose, and i think you have improved a lot on this over time.

I specially like too the imagery of the door protecting her and becoming a shelter of love .. that was very good! :)

"The door protects her
A shelter of love"

- two lines yet very powerful imagery! I commend you!! :clap:

--
:snowing:
:iconizy69:
~izy69 Jul 5, 2004, 12:49:01 AM
Ah well, my dear, thanks for another fantastic comment.
Firstly, yes i like those two lines too.
This poem was one, just to get myself used to writing again, as you should know by now i'm a rhyming freak, so i needed to rhyme. Shame it couldn't have been a nicer topic.
I was considering putting this one in scraps, but as i've said earlier, i did want feedback for it, so i decided not to.

Secondly, spelling errors? I fixed up knife, i actually notticed that... when i pressed submit, i added in the F but it didn't go through. So sorry about that. Also, other spelling errors? MUM? well thats how we spell it here in NZ. We also write mummy... but i didn't want to confuse you american/canadian..etc folk into thinking i was talking about a wrapped up corpse, although, i suppose that would of made a good metaphor, but too much confusion!

Anyways, thanks for a good, well rounded comment, i really appreciate them. Especially from someone as tallented as yourself :P
izy

--
*iZy
"suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem"
:hump: i'll be the green one, if you'll be the orange o
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